Life in Death Read online

  “I did.” Marty contained the proud smile begging to burst across her face. Instead, she focused on the tapping of her fingers against her keyboard.

  “How was your first year?”

  “Good.” Marty narrowed her green eyes at the listings on her computer screen.

  “Just good?” Charlotte cocked her head, her long black hair falling just to the tops of her shoulders. Marty was still unsure as to how Annmarie persuaded her to cut it.

  “Record breaking.” She cast a sideways glance toward her coworker and let a small fraction of that prideful smile show.

  “Good for you, Marty!” Charlotte smacked her friend on the shoulder.

  Sometime during Marty’s first year at the local Century 21, Charlotte had become a staple in the younger woman’s life. The few years that separated them allowed Charlotte to share her experience, and Marty was eager to soak up any advice Charlotte had to give. Lunch together turned to dinner and drinks. They shared late nights at local bars and summer mornings on the beach. They even went out on a few double dates.

  “Suzanne must be so proud of you.” Charlotte beamed. Marty turned her attention back to homes and price tags. She didn’t hide her tight-lipped expression well enough for it to go unnoticed. “She is, isn’t she?”

  “She kind of doesn’t know yet.” Marty kept her head down as she broadened her search radius.

  “What do you mean?” Charlotte leaned forward.

  “I haven’t told her anything yet. She knew I was doing well, but she doesn’t know anything about the annual bonuses.”

  “Why not? Trying to appear modest despite the fact that we all know how conceited you are?”

  “Very funny. If I told her I was getting a bonus, I’d end up telling her I’m looking at houses. If I tell her that, I’m afraid she’ll think I’m going to ask her to move in with me—”

  “Oh my God, she’d freak out! The two of you have only been together for what, eight months? It’s way too soon for someone like Suzanne. She loves her independence way too much. Remember how long it took her just to warm up to you and agree to be exclusive?” As Charlotte spoke, she returned to her desk and spread out several papers onto the surface.

  Marty stared blankly at her hands on her keyboard. Of course she remembered those two months she’d spent trying to woo Suzanne. It was much like trying to tame a wild horse. She had used every trick she could think of, and she even bottomed out on the charm she always thought came so naturally. Finally, Suzanne got sick with the flu, and Marty spent every night taking care of her. Suzanne then realized that it was time to give in and that maybe Marty truly was the keeper she’d been declaring herself all along.

  “Shit.” Marty slumped back into her chair.

  Charlotte looked over to her friend. “What?”

  “She’d freak out.”

  “Yeah.” Charlotte looked at Marty’s sad green eyes. “Marty…”

  “I was going to find the perfect house and surprise her,” Marty said timidly. Her voice shook slightly, and she wiped her sweaty palm on her jeans.

  “You know she hates surprises.”

  “I know.” Marty sat forward. The silence stretched on as she struggled to recalculate her plan.

  Charlotte finally broke the melancholic silence. “You’ll need at least two bedrooms and a deck.”

  “What?” Marty’s head flew up, and she looked to her friend in confusion.

  “She always goes on about wanting to entertain outside, something she can’t do at her apartment.” Charlotte stood and walked over to Marty’s desk. She took the keyboard and moved it to in front of herself. “No fireplace or pool—she can’t be bothered with the upkeep.” She laughed as she typed, the light from the screen brightening her already vibrant smile. “New construction, a yard, no garage, and close to the water.” She hit Enter, and only one search result appeared.

  She turned to Marty and spoke with a cocky smirk. “I’ll waive my fee.”

  *

  “Open kitchen with new appliances, large deck just outside the back door, generous TV room, hardwood floors throughout the first floor…” Marty listed the home’s attributes to Suzanne. “Come upstairs.” She led the way up the thirteen stairs to the second floor that housed a guest bathroom and two bedrooms. “Bathroom to the right, and this is the second bedroom.” Suzanne stepped around Marty and walked into the medium-sized room.

  The room was bright thanks to the large windows that lined two out of four walls and looked out on a quiet yard well shaded by large trees. Just off in the distance, she could see the Metedeconk River.

  “This would make a great office.” Suzanne pushed her hair from her shoulders as she turned to look at her girlfriend.

  “It would.” Marty surveyed the space and imagined a large desk and several full bookcases. It would be a great office, but she couldn’t help but think a bit farther into the future. It’d also make a perfect nursery, she thought. When her eyes landed on Suzanne, her breath caught at the way the sun illuminated her golden hair. She was just standing there wearing worn jeans, a plain white shirt, and a black leather jacket. Her big blue eyes were so deep and her smile so gentle, Marty was convinced they were made just for her. She didn’t realize how long she had been staring until Suzanne laughed.

  “What?” Suzanne checked her appearance. The zipper of her jeans was up and no bits of food hung on her face, but she wiped at it anyway.

  “Nothing.” Marty shook off her stupor. “You’re just so beautiful.”

  Suzanne stepped forward and closed the distance between them. She ran her hands up the front of Marty’s green cashmere sweater and wrapped them around her neck. Marty found herself being kissed fiercely. Suzanne sucked on her plump upper lip before running her tongue along its neglected lower partner. Marty moaned as she opened her mouth to take Suzanne in and squirmed as Suzanne palmed her breasts.

  “Wait.” Marty grasped Suzanne’s wrists and put the necessary distance between their bodies to continue thinking clearly.

  “Isn’t this one of the perks to being your own real estate agent? Getting to take the house for a test drive?” Suzanne advanced again as Marty sucked in a sharp breath.

  So many visions danced their way through Marty’s mind. Some involved the kitchen counter and others took place inside the large shower tucked away in the master suite. She decided and grinned. “Let me show you the master bedroom.”

  “I love the way you think.” Suzanne walked to the door, adding an extra sway to her curvy hips. Once she was in the hallway, she turned right.

  “To the left.” Marty tried not to laugh.

  “I knew that.” Suzanne turned toward the last room they had yet to explore.

  Once Marty opened the door, they walked into the large space. Natural light flooded the room from wall to wall and up to the high ceilings. Even if the dimensions weren’t as generous, the room would still feel large.

  “There’s an en suite and two walk-in closets.” Marty stayed back and watched every reaction Suzanne had to the details like the crown molding and the nook by the window that would be perfect for a comfy chair. “What do you think?”

  “I think it’s great, but what do you think?” Suzanne walked into the large bathroom, causing her voice to echo a bit. “Ooh—a claw-foot tub!”

  “Well, I think it’s perfect,” Marty said quietly before leaning against the bathroom door frame. She clasped her hands together to keep them from shaking.

  “Then write up an offer! How much was this bonus you got after all, hotshot?” Suzanne raised her eyebrow.

  “Combined with my savings, I’ll have a significant down payment that’ll help keep the mortgage manageable.”

  “Good.” Suzanne stepped into the large shower. “I’d like to pay a larger portion of the mortgage, though. It’s only fair since you’re paying the down payment.”

  “What?” Marty spoke louder than she intended, her voice bouncing from wall to wall. “What did you say?” She walked to th
e shower, effectively trapping the short blonde.

  “I’d like to pay more of the mor—oh my God.” Suzanne clasped her hand over her mouth, and her cheeks grew a shade of red Marty had never seen before. Suzanne continued to mumble through slightly parted fingers. “I thought you were showing me the house because you wanted to move in together. You’re not asking me to move in. I’m so embarrassed right now.” She tried to close the shower door, but Marty stopped her. Suzanne covered her face completely with both hands.

  She looked so cute, Marty was sure she fell even more in love in that moment.

  “Suzanne?” Marty stepped into the shower.

  “Leave me here to die.” The reply was muffled but clear enough to cause Marty to laugh. Suzanne was not amused. “Don’t laugh at me.”

  “I can’t help it, you’re adorable.” Marty wrapped her arms around Suzanne.

  “I’m not adorable, I’m stupid.”

  “No, you’re not. I was going to ask you to move in with me.”

  Suzanne peeked one blue eye out between her index and middle fingers. “You’re just saying that now because I put you on the spot.”

  “No, I’m not. I was going to ask you today, but I was afraid it’d be too much of a surprise and I’d scare you off. I was waiting for you to approve the house, and once the papers were signed I was going to ask you.”

  “Really?” Suzanne looked up through her long lashes.

  “Ask Charlotte. She’s the one who helped me find a house you’d like and the idiot who convinced me it’d be a disaster to ask you so soon.”

  Suddenly, Suzanne launched herself into Marty’s arms, kissing her neck, then up to her ear, over her jawline, and finally landing on her mouth. Between each kiss, just after a nibble, Suzanne continued to whisper, “I love you and that tub. It’s mine, so you’ll need to ask permission to use it.”

  Suzanne squealed when Marty lifted her off her feet.

  Chapter Three

  Twenty-seven days in a hospital can take its toll on one’s morale. Both Suzanne and Marty went to great lengths to avoid each other. When Marty was at work, Suzanne was glued to Abigail’s side. When Marty came back, she’d be gone without a trace.

  Abigail was much more gleeful than a child undergoing recurring chemical injections should be. Each and every time one of her mothers would enter her small, private hospital room, she’d light up and greet them as if they were home. Nothing could shatter her innocence, her gratefulness for the unfair life she had been given.

  After sleeping on a lumpy cot in Abigail’s room, Marty stretched her tired muscles, moving her aching bones and cracking her stiff neck. Even with the extensive decorations to cheer up the room, the morning sunshine only highlighted the institutional white walls and glinted off the machines lining the perimeter. Marty leaned closer to her sleeping daughter and watched as her eyes moved behind closed lids. She wondered what Abigail was dreaming about. Did she imagine a life without sickness? Marty would be lying if she said she hadn’t shared the same dream. Did she dream of a life with two mothers under the same roof? One where her Mama made better choices?

  “I’m so sorry, sweet girl,” she whispered. She covered her daughter’s small, cold hand with her own, being careful to not disturb the intravenous tubing. “You didn’t deserve any of this.” She swallowed thickly. Abigail was so pale, so fragile looking in the large hospital bed. Her red bandana drew attention to her red-rimmed eyes and the veins that ran along the thin skin. Marty blinked hard against tears that threatened to fall, her eyes burning with the need for release.

  “I deserve this,” she said shakily, the words barely loud enough to get lost in the sounds of an awakening hospital. “I deserve this.” She repeated the words more firmly.

  Everything had become harder for Marty as days passed slowly. She found herself staying at Abigail’s bedside longer than the hospital staff recommended. Beyond the responsibility of work, she didn’t care much if she hadn’t slept in her own bed or showered. She was where she needed to be. Marty forced herself to ignore the voices getting louder and louder during the quiet nights, reminding her of all the mistakes she’d made and pain she’d caused.

  “Mama?” Abigail started to shift beneath the thick bedding Suzanne had brought her earlier in the week after the little girl had complained about the cool temperature. “Are you crying?”

  “No,” Marty denied weakly as she wiped her eyes.

  “Yeah, right.”

  “I’m not. See?” Abigail peeked at Marty through one opened eye, and Marty smiled meekly at her daughter.

  “You and Mommy are always sad.”

  “We’re not always sad.”

  “Yes, you are!” Abigail’s voice was more firm, strong than it had been in recent days. Marty was both taken aback and hopeful. “If you miss each other so much, why doesn’t Mommy come home?” Marty’s heart hurt at the question. Abby’s innocence chipped away at her false strength.

  “I do miss Mommy very much, but—”

  “She misses you too. She told me so.” Marty watched her daughter carefully as she rubbed at her tired eyes. Did she just hear Abigail correctly?

  “What do you mean she told you so?” Marty sat forward, eager to hear every word.

  She pointed to the window. “The other day, we were naming the birds outside. I asked her what you’d name them, and she said something silly.” Abby shrugged. “I said I wished you were here, and she said she did too.” Abby’s mouth widened in a comically large yawn, she closed her eyes again. Marty waited patiently to see if she had anything more to share, but Abigail grew quiet, her breathing even and deep.

  Suzanne wished I was here? Marty’s mind spun with desperate hope, and she unknowingly started to cry once more.

  “Mama?” Abby spoke again, startling her mother.

  “Yeah, Abs?” Marty wiped at the tears that still clung to her chin. “I’m right here.”

  “I’m thirsty.”

  “Do you want water or are you feeling up to drinking some juice today?”

  “Water.” Abigail tried to sit up but fell back against her pillow. “Is Mommy here yet?”

  “Not yet, sweetheart. I’m sure she’ll be here any minute.” Marty went to the foot of the bed and squeezed her daughter’s big toe. “Ice?” Marty waited for an answer but only got a nod in response. Abigail had closed her eyes again. She had been so tired during the past week. “Okay.” Marty walked to the small bathroom in the room and brushed her teeth before stepping outside to ask a nurse for some water.

  Deciding to stretch her legs for a bit, Marty took a walk to the elevator and down to the cafeteria for a cup of coffee and whatever dry version of a muffin the hospital was supplying that day. She paid with the crumpled singles she had stashed deep in the pockets of her worn jeans and turned back the way she came. When she got off the elevator, she spotted Suzanne talking to the male nurse, Blake.

  Even though Suzanne was noticeably tired, she was still radiant. Marty tucked a greasy strand of her own hair behind her ear. Suzanne’s azure eyes may have been clouded with sadness and fatigue, but they were still more brilliant than any jewel Marty had seen. Her short blond hair fell slightly on her forehead in a classic pixie cut and Marty thought of the days when she’d wear it up and wild. Marty noticed Suzanne’s weight loss for the first time since they had separated. Suzanne was the complete opposite of an emotional eater, so her clothes hung loosely on her petite frame. Suzanne was wearing a heavy sweater that day. Always running cold, just like her daughter.

  At that thought, Marty smiled genuinely for the first time in days. But it froze in the next instant. A small barely there glitter from Suzanne’s ring finger caught her eye. They had been separated for just over six months, divorced for almost one month, and that finger wasn’t bare. Instead, Suzanne wore a sizable diamond.

  All the air left Marty’s lungs and she dropped her snack and the coffee. It went everywhere, but Marty was only aware of Suzanne staring at her from across the sp
ace. Was this really happening? She stepped in the puddle of coffee as she started toward her ex-wife, ignoring the dirty looks she received for leaving her mess. She also ignored the way Blake stood at his full height when she approached.

  Marty used her final reserve of strength to speak calmly. “May I please have a word with you, Suzanne?” She noticed Blake move. “Alone.”

  “I was about to go in and say good morning to Abby.”

  “It’ll only take a moment.” Marty took the other woman’s wrist and led her to a surprisingly empty waiting area. She looked down at her. “When were you going to tell me?”

  “Tell you wh—”

  “Don’t you dare!” Marty pointed one long finger at the other woman. “If you’re going to wear a ring, you should’ve been prepared to answer some questions.” Suzanne broke eye contact and looked down. “Well?” Marty wasn’t about to wait patiently.

  “It’s none of your business.”

  “The hell it’s not! We have a kid together, a sick kid, and if you’re bringing someone else around, I need to know about her.” Marty took a step back and a much needed breath. She closed her eyes and counted to six, something she did every time she and Suzanne fought. When she opened her eyes again, she asked quietly, “For how long?” She watched her ex-wife’s face closely. Marty could always tell when Suzanne was lying or about to.

  “Two months.”

  Marty flinched. She knew the answer would hurt no matter what. She wiped at her reddened face roughly with her damp palms and turned away from the woman who had once been her life. She looked absently down the hallway toward their daughter’s room. “Who is she?” Marty’s stomach churned in the worst kind of anticipation.

  “I don’t want to get into that here.”

  “Dammit, just tell me!” She turned with a look in her eye that was akin to a slap across the face.

  “Excuse me?” a meek voice called from behind Marty.

  “Blake.” Suzanne lowered her head.