What the Heart Remembers Most
What the Heart Remembers Most
Synopsis
Fate will find a way to intervene when it’s least expected.
Jax Levine and Gretchen Mills fell madly in love in college and never looked back. They built a great life together, but careers, a baby, and years of mounting tension later, they are living separate lives and their once grand love is forgotten.
After an accident, Gretchen suffers a brain injury that erases years of her memories. She wakes in the hospital with Jax at her side and everything seems normal…except Jax won’t look her in the eye and their baby boy is now a rambunctious toddler. Every line drawn between Jax and Gretchen starts to blur while Gretchen fights to figure out which of her most haunting recollections are real, and which are fake.
Is it possible for this accident to be the second chance neither Jax nor Gretchen knew they wanted?
Praise for M. Ullrich
Pretending in Paradise
“Pretending in Paradise has real depth while still maintaining the lightness and sexiness of a true romance novel and it is this unique mix that really makes M. Ullrich’s books the ones to look out for when you’re on the search for the next steamy romance read.”—Curve
Against All Odds
“Against All Odds by Kris Bryant, Maggie Cummings, and M. Ullrich is an emotional and captivating story about being able to face a tragedy head-on and move on with your life, learning to appreciate the simple things we take for granted and finding love where you least expect it.”—The Lesbian Review
“I started reading the book trying to dissect the writing and ended up forgetting all about the fact that three people were involved in writing it because the story just grabbed me by the ears and dragged me along for the ride…[A] really great romantic suspense that manages both parts of the equation perfectly. This is a book you won’t be able to put down.”—C-Spot Reviews
Love at Last Call
Love at Last Call is “a very well written slow-burn romance. Another great book by M. Ullrich.”—LezReviewBooks
“[I]f you enjoy opposites attract romances—especially ones set in bars—you’ll love this book! I’ll definitely be looking up the rest of the author’s work!”—Llama Reads Books
Love at Last Call is “exciting, addictive (I was up all night reading it) and still gave me all the major swoon moments I’ve come to love from this author. Can I give it more than five stars?”—Les Rêveur
“This book was like a well-crafted cocktail—not too sweet, not too bitter, and left me with a warm feeling in my body.”—Love in Panels
“Love at Last Call is M. Ullrich’s fifth full-length novel and it’s truly excellent. The writing is smooth and engaging, with perfect pacing and a plot that’s sure to please fans of contemporary romance. If you’re looking for a book to sink into, have some fun, and get away from it all, you’ll want to pick this one up.”—Lambda Literary
Time Will Tell
“I adored the romance in this. I got emotional at times and felt like they fit together very well. They really brought out the best in each other and they had a lot of chemistry. I really did care whether or not they were together in the end…It was a very enjoyable read and definitely one I’d recommend.”—Cats and Paperbacks
“M. Ullrich just keeps knocking them out of the park and I think she’s currently the one to watch in lesbian romantic fiction.”—Les Rêveur
“Time Will Tell is not your run of the mill romance. I found it dark, intense, unexpected. It is also beautifully romantic and sexy and tells of a love that is for all time. I really enjoyed it.”—Kitty Kat’s Book Review Blog
Fake It till You Make It
“M. Ullrich’s books have a uniqueness that we don’t always see in this particular genre. Her stories go a bit outside the box and they do it in the best possible way. Fake It till You Make It is no exception.”—The Romantic Reader Blog
“M. Ullrich’s Fake It till You Make It just clarifies why she is one of my favorite authors. The storyline was tight, the characters brought emotion and made me feel like I was living the story with them, and best of all, I had fun reading every word.”—Les Rêveur
Life in Death
“M. Ullrich sent me on a emotional roller coaster…But most of all I felt absolute joy knowing that in times of darkness you can still love the one you’re meant to be with. It was a story of hope, tragedy, and above all, love.”—Les Rêveur
Life in Death “is a well written book, the characters have depth and are complex, they become friends and you cannot help but hope that Marty and Suzanne can find a way back to each other. There aren’t many books that I know from one read that I will want to read time and time again, but this is one of them.”—Sapphic Reviews
Fortunate Sum
“M. Ullrich has written one book. That one book is Fortunate Sum. For this to be Ullrich’s first book, well, that is just stunning. Stunning in the fact that this book is so very good, it was a fantastic read.”—The Romantic Reader Blog
What the Heart Remembers Most
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What the Heart Remembers Most
© 2020 By M. Ullrich. All Rights Reserved.
ISBN 13: 978-1-63555-402-1
This Electronic Original Is Published By
Bold Strokes Books, Inc.
P.O. Box 249
Valley Falls, NY 12185
First Edition: April 2020
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
This book, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced in any form without permission.
Credits
Editors: Jerry L. Wheeler and Ruth Sternglantz
Production Design: Stacia Seaman
Cover Design By Jeanine Henning
eBook Design By Toni Whitaker
By the Author
Fortunate Sum
Life in Death
Fake It till You Make It
Time Will Tell
Love at Last Call
Pretending in Paradise
Top of Her Game
What the Heart Remembers Most
Against All Odds
(with Kris Bryant and Maggie Cummings)
The Boss of Her: Office Romance Novellas
(with Julie Cannon and Aurora Rey)
Acknowledgments
This book…
If you were one of the few I leaned on during the process of developing and writing this book, I am forever grateful. From concept to final product, this was a long and bumpy road. But I am proud of the story that came from such a challenge, and I think the journey is fitting for this book. Life is unexpected and beautiful and hard sometimes, but love is what keeps us going. Love is what makes this world a beautiful place. Love is the reason why.
I’m thankful for my supportive family at Bold Strokes Books, from Radclyffe to Sandy, my editor, Jerry, and everyone else who helps me along the way. You’re all seen and appreciated more than I can say on this page.
I love my homeslices: Maggie, Kris, Erin, Aurora, and every single sprint participant who cheered me on when I needed it most. Heather, your support has held me up more than you know, and I appreciate how you were on board even when I wanted to kill every character…especially that
one…the eulogy would’ve been so good.
To Heather,
My heart’s favorite memory
Chapter One
2 hours, 9 minutes, 52 seconds
Jax hated being a light sleeper. Anything could wake her up, from a loud cricket to the incessant buzzing of a phone. She turned over and burrowed into the warm body beside her. Soft naked skin was the kind of wake-up call she wouldn’t get mad about. The buzzing started again, and Jax flopped on her back with a huff. She grabbed her phone from the nightstand and looked at the screen with one eye open. An unknown number. She checked the time and knew no good phone calls came after eleven at night. Her heart hammered in her throat.
“Hello?”
“Is this Jacqueline Levine?”
“Jax…yes, this is she. Who is this?” Jax sat up and wiped the sleep from her eyes.
“I’m Dr. Hudgens from South Shore Community Medical Center.”
Jax’s mind kicked into overdrive, trying to fill in every blank before the doctor even continued. Her panic made it hard for her to concentrate on his next words.
“You’re listed as the emergency contact for Gretchen Mills. She was in an accident earlier this evening—”
She stood and started getting dressed. “What kind of accident?”
“It appears she fell down some icy steps and suffered a severe head injury.”
“Where is she? Is she…” Jax couldn’t finish the sentence.
“She’s being airlifted to the trauma center at Jersey Shore Medical. They’re the best equipped for this kind of head injury. They should land in thirteen minutes.”
“Thank you.” Jax hung up and tossed her phone on the bed. She grabbed her sneakers and socks and pulled them on.
“What’s going on?”
Jax froze. She had completely forgotten about Meredith. “Gretchen’s in the hospital. I have to go.”
Meredith sat up. Her blond hair was tousled and her face heavy with concern. She held the sheets around her bare chest. “What happened?”
“She fell or something. Listen, you can stay if you want. Just lock the door in the morning when you leave.”
“I can come with you.”
“No.” She took a deep breath, knowing she was being a little harsh. But this was no place for Meredith. “I appreciate it, though.” Jax put on her thickest sweater and grabbed her leather jacket from the back of her bedroom door. She crawled across her king-sized bed and gave Meredith a quick kiss. “I’ll talk to you later.” She grabbed her phone from the bed and started out.
“I’m surprised she still has you as her emergency contact.” Meredith’s simple words stopped her in the doorway.
Jax thought of the past few years and everything she and Gretchen had been through. Every fight and hurtful word. “So am I,” she said, turning back to Meredith one last time. “I guess she missed that when she filed for divorce.” Jax felt the familiar flare of anger in her chest. On her way out the door, she dialed Amanda. Ever vigilant, Amanda picked up on the first ring.
“Jax? What the hell?” Amanda’s voice was deep and froggy, but mostly filled with confusion.
“Gretchen fell and is being airlifted to Jersey Shore. I’m heading there now.” Jax climbed into her pickup and started the ignition. She blasted the heat, trying her best to cut the January chill from the space around her. But her shivering had very little to do with the brutal winter.
“Is she okay?” Amanda’s voice was muffled by a shuffling sound. “I mean, obviously she’s not okay but…is she okay?”
“All I know is she suffered a head injury. They didn’t give me any more details.”
“Well, did you think to ask any questions?”
“No, I didn’t.” Jax tightened her grip on the steering wheel and pulled out onto the highway. She tried her best to drive calmly, knowing the phone was already enough of a distraction. “I was more concerned with getting to the hospital.”
“I should be there.”
“Will you just stay with Caleb?” Just mentioning her four-year-old’s name hit her with a fresh wave of panic. What would happen if Gretchen…? “I’ll talk to the doctors when I get there and get all the information. I don’t want to scare him.”
Amanda stayed silent for a minute. “Fine. But I swear to God, Jax, if anything happens to my sister, and I’m not there because you don’t keep me in the loop—”
“I will. I promise.”
“Fine.” Amanda disconnected the call.
Jax spent the remainder of the twenty-five-minute drive stewing in silence. She imagined every horrific outcome. She pictured their son standing at his mother’s grave, not understanding what was happening. Christmases without Gretchen, Caleb’s fifth birthday, his high school graduation…
A car horn blared, and Jax jumped in her seat. She had been sitting at a green light for who knew how long. She accelerated quickly, screeching her tires. She hit the next three red lights, and she started to think about karma by the fourth. A potent mixture of relief and fear hit just as she pulled into the hospital parking lot. She took the first spot she could find, not caring about fines or towing.
Jax ran to the front door of the Emergency Room and argued with the automatic revolving door. It wasn’t moving fast enough. She squeezed her body through the small opening as soon as she could and stumbled to the front desk.
“I’m looking for Gretchen Mills? She was airlifted from…” She racked her brain. “South Shore! She should be here.” The desk clerk started typing. Jax watched through the double doors as doctors rushed about. Very few people occupied the waiting room, and she didn’t understand why she was still waiting. “Where is she?”
“I need a photo ID for all visitors.”
Jax wanted to scream at the miserable old man. “Is she here?”
“Proper identification, name, and relation, please.”
Jax breathed in deeply through her nose. She forced herself to understand this idiotic man was just doing his job. She pulled her wallet from her pocket and took out her driver’s license. She dropped it on the counter in front of him. “Jax Levine. I’m her wife.”
He looked at her over his reading glasses. Without another word, he copied her license and printed out a visitor’s pass. “She’s back with the doctors now. Have a seat in the waiting room. Hang on to that pass. It’s only good for twenty-four hours.”
She sat in the nearest chair, bouncing her leg to release some of her anxious energy. She had to believe she wasn’t allowed to see Gretchen for a good reason. She had seen enough medical dramas to know the trauma center was no place for a visitor. She looked around at her company.
A young woman sat against the far wall and thumbed through a People magazine. Her face was passive, not concerned or panicked. Down at the far end of Jax’s row of chairs was an older gentleman twiddling his thumbs. Seated directly across from Jax was a woman who couldn’t be much older than her. She looked more worried than the rest combined. She held a child against her. Jax assumed they were mother and daughter.
Again, Jax thought of Caleb. She didn’t know whether bringing him to the hospital would do more harm than good. Maybe she should ask her partner in suffering. Were they there for the kid’s other parent or for themselves? Jax scanned each face again, and the discomfort of being in a hospital started to fully set in. She stood and started to pace. Jax wanted to leave the waiting area, but she was afraid to go too far. She turned at the sound of the double doors opening. She stared at the young doctor expectantly.
“For Evan Riley?”
Jax sighed in disappointment. She dropped her tense shoulders and continued pacing. The woman and child stood and followed the young doctor through the doors.
“For Gretchen Mills?”
Jax spun around so quickly she felt dizzy. She raised her hand and walked directly to the doctor. “I’m her wife,” Jax said right away, wanting to avoid any legality dance. “How is she?”
The doctor looked at the chart in her hands.
She flipped the papers. “Jacqueline Levine?”
“Jax, please.”
“I see Dr. Hudgens contacted you. I’m Dr. Melendez, the chief of neurology here.” She reached out to shake Jax’s hand.
Jax shook Dr. Melendez’s hand and said, “How is she?”
“Gretchen is mostly stable.”
Jax’s stomach dropped. “What do you mean mostly?”
“She’s going through a few tests and scans right now. She’ll be put in a room right after. I’ll catch you up on everything while I take you there.” Dr. Melendez scanned her ID to open the double doors.
Jax dodged a nurse as she followed Dr. Melendez. “Did they tell you exactly what happened?”
“It looks like she fell down some icy steps at her office building. She had mild hypothermia when EMS got to her, so she could’ve been lying there for over an hour. Does your wife make it a habit of working late and alone?” Dr. Melendez pressed the elevator button, and the door opened.
Jax stepped on, thinking of the many, many fights she’d had with Gretchen. “She does.”
“She hasn’t regained consciousness, and from the physical signs of her injury I’m not surprised. She lost a lot of blood. We had to stitch up a significant laceration on the back of her head and clean out some scrapes on her face. She has a few bruised ribs, and her shoulder was dislocated.”